On Making Unreasonable Demands
Why are we sometimes quick to take offense? It’s because — consciously or not — we are making unreasonable demands on other people.
We make “demands” on others whenever we have expectations. There is nothing wrong with having expectations provided they are reasonable. Frequently they’re not.
One common but unreasonable demand is, “You must treat my wants as imperatives,” or, more simply, “My wish is your command!”
Never mind the rules. Never mind fairness. Forget boundaries. If I want a new boat or furniture, you had better not tell me it costs too much. If my son plays for your soccer team, you had better play him for the entire game. If my plans for the weekend don’t fit with yours, you had better make new plans.
The bottom line is always the same: “My wish is your command.” When we expect people to cater to us, we’ll naturally resent it when they don’t. But at the heart of this sort of resentment lies a basic confusion: we are mistaking wants for rights. If my rights are violated, I have reason to feel aggrieved. If I confuse my wants for rights, it follows that I will feel aggrieved whenever someone crosses me.
If resentment has crept into your heart, ask yourself, “Have I slipped into thinking of my wants as rights?”
In Christ’s service,
Paul
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